I just made my first student loan payment...and there go my savings. And all future income. And my record habit.
Since I graduated in May, I'd been feeling pretty good about things. I have a great apartment, a job, a fantastic boyfriend, and a trivia team I can count on. This is the first Big Adult Freak Out.
It's a little embarrassing. When I logged in to the student loan website to make my first payment, I made the mistake of looking at the total amount, which is just over 50 grand. I burst into tears.
Hell, I didn't know what else to do. That's a crushing amount of debt for someone with my salary. Suddenly, it hit me that I've had no formal training at this, and I feel like I'm making a terrible mess of it. I'm worried that people can tell that I'm faking it, and any day, I'm going to be exposed. Really, I hope I can just hold things together. Most days, I'm fine, and I can handle it, and I'm proud of how far I've come. Other days, how far I have to go is so strikingly apparent.
fakes it till she makes it,
Kerry
P.S.I've heard rumors that there have been several attempted throwings away of the Ball Bearings Official Office Christmas Decoration. This decoration happens to be a plaster statue of Santa kneeling at the manger. Um, can you ethically throw away Jesus?
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2 comments:
Trust me dude, its really not that bad. Once the initial shock of being that much in debt wears, you just kind of accept it and just scratch that check every month. Its a tough first shock, but it wears off fairly quickly.
you probably will never read this since I am commenting in June to a Dec post, but here goes:
I don't know if all student loan companies work alike, but I was/am eligible for three years deferment. And it doesn't have to be consecutive. I have asked for a a few months at a time during a particularly broke period. It's just nice to have that kind of safety net.
Also, I know what you mean about being discovered as a fraud. I used to feel that way a lot. But, I'm getting to know my co-workers better and finding that they are idiots. Maybe I'm not so stupid after all.
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