Viet Hoa Fo Sho: Taste Test No. 3: Mommy Drinks Because Job Cries

On Monday, I was sent to Viet Hoa for three things and three things only: chicken breasts, catfish, and eggs. These items together should have cost no more than $15. Despite this, half an hour later, I left the market with $40 less than I had entered with and four bags of goodies.

A trip to the VH doesn't count unless some kind of surprise is brought home.






This week, that surprise was a green bag of cookies from the sweets aisle called "Chlorella Job's Tears Wafer". The only other English on the package was the information on the back (information that I actually took the time to read for once). They include: flour, cornstarch, milk powder, Chlorella powder, sugar, glucose, vegetable oil, Job's tears, leavening agent.

Everything seems normal, except the Job's Tears. I just thought that was the brand - I had no idea it was something that people used for cooking.

A quick wikipedia search reveals the following: Job's Tears is a tropical plant commonly used in Asian food. Matthew was a bit nervous that it referred to the Job of biblical fame, who likely cried because he was infested with all manner of sores, boils and plague.

Having taken a bite, I'm glad it tastes more like a plant, and less like pestilence.

The cookies came individually wrapped for easy lunchbox packing and looked like the creme-and-wafer cookies that my mom used to buy when I was a kid. To be honest, part of why I bought them was because they looked like they might taste like green tea.



I know, I've been misguided in the past when making purchases at the Viet Hoa that look like they would taste like green tea.

Texturally, they were just like those cookies. Granted, the wafter to creme ratio was skewed in favor of the wafer, which is a shame, as the creme is actually pretty tasty. When surrounded by all of that wafer, it's easy to miss out on its subtle sweet, nutty, (and dare I say) green tea flavor.

They were kind of tasty. So kind of tasty, in fact, that I ate more out of the sheer joy that they didn't taste as bad as some of the other things we've eaten.

Viet Hoa Fo Sho: Taste Test No. 2 - Do the Mantou

For this week's installment of Viet Hoa Fo Sho, we decided to stick with desserts. Granted, after last week, I'm not entirely sure why we would ever want to eat another baked good from the Viet Hoa.

This week's offering was frozen, chocolaty and emotionally conflicted. Behold the chocolate Mantou.



The packaging reminds me of a worksheet I had in my Sociology 100 class. The professor gave us pictures of faces and we had to label the emotion expressed on the face. They were all ambiguous, and I got most of them wrong. I can't tell if these little cartoon mantous are really happy to see me or maniacally angry that I'm about to eat them.

To cook the mantous, we took them out of the freezer, set them in a bowl, spritzed them with water and microwaved them on medium. Sadly, they didn't grow to twice their size or otherwise mutate.



They looked kind of delicious. And edible (which, after that last item, I was thankful that we could at least identify most of the ingredients with a cursory once over).





The good news is that they're not bad. Not as chocolaty as I had hoped for, but not bad. The bad news is that they seem to be mostly texture and no flavor. I'm not sure what it is about these desserts. Is all the spiciness and flavor wasted on curries and ramen noodle seasoning packets?

These tasted less like chocolate cake than a weird combination of bread and spray foam. We did try them topped with whipped cream, which seemed to help the overall consistency.

Like the little mantous on the packaging, I'm conflicted. On the one hand, they weren't the best thing I've ever had. But they weren't terrible, and they sure as hell weren't as disgusting as that thing we ate last week.

I have a feeling that everything we eat will be held to the standard of "It wasn't great, but it definitely wasn't as bad as that green thing."

Viet Hoa Fo Sho: Taste Test No.1 - It's all fun and games until somebody eats the sponge

A few days ago, our wonderful friends Brandon and Amanda turned us on to the Viet Hoa Market. They had been exposed to the wonder of the Vietnamese market because of it's crazy cheap food and overwhelming shopping experience.

We went there straight from Brandon and Amanda's, full of excitement and hope for delicious cheap curry and fresh fish. We were expecting good things, but what we found was amazing. The Viet Hoa is the grocery of my dreams. And it is because of this that I bring you my new weekly tribute to my local sketchy dream grocery: Viet Hoa Fo Sho.

This week: Green Spongy Mystery Food.



When I picked up this 89-cent loaf of fun, I thought that it looked kind of tasty, maybe like a green tea-flavored coconut cake. Then I gently pressed down on the top of it. It was bouncy, like Jell-o.



We set a ground rule - the food must be chewed and swallowed. No giving up and spitting it out. The food cannot win.

I took a bite, expecting it to taste like, well, something. Instead, my mouth was assaulted with the texture of fake plastic grass with a piquant styrofoam cup aftertaste. I may forget the taste, but I'll never forget trying to swallow it.




I made Matthew take a bite, and this happened:




He's all smiles now, but just wait until he sticks it in his mouth.



Since the thing was inedible, we decided to perform some experiments:

No.1 - If you can't eat it, befriend it!





It's sponge-like. Can it remove tough stains?






Matthew tried to set it on fire, but instead of igniting, it just smelled like burning plastic. Which lead us to a very important question - was this thing even meant to be eaten?




In frustration, we abandoned it on our back porch. We'll check up on it in a few days. Hopefully, it won't stain the porch or grow to ten times its size.

Next time: Emotionally conflicted cakes.